THE LONE RANGER (1949—1957) is a television series (formerly radio) about a masked avenger during the Old West.
12/01/09 | Television

The Lone Ranger

by Peter Cherches

On a hot August day in 1995 a stranger entered a deli and ordered a hot dog and a cup of coffee. He picked up the squeeze bottle of mustard and began to methodically apply the golden condiment to his weenie, obsessively squeezing a line of evenly spaced dots onto the meat. There was something very odd indeed about this stranger, a wild look in his eyes as he gazed intently upon the frankfurter for what seemed like an eternity to Alvin, the kid behind the counter, sensing danger. And then something, perhaps fear, perhaps youth, perhaps the feeling that anything would be better than to have things continue on in that creepy way, caused Alvin to say, “Hey, Mister, aren’t you going to eat that thing?”

“Shut up, kid,” the stranger said, as he drew a forty-five and pointed it at Alvin’s head.

“I didn’t mean no harm,” Alvin whimpered, his voice cracking, “it’s just —”

“Shut up!”

This went on for about an hour, the stranger holding the hot dog in one hand and the pistol in the other, until an elderly man, the actor who used to play the Lone Ranger, sidled through the deli door.

The stranger, startled, surprised, excited, dropped the frank and the gun and exclaimed, “Hey — aren’t you Clayton Moore?”

“That’s right,” the Ranger replied proudly, as he saved the day once again, this time in his civvies.