JERSEY SHORE (2009) is a reality television series which follows eight Italian-American housemates living in New Jersey
06/01/10 | Television

Jersey Shore

by Darian Reese

The mistaken orange people covered their bodies in maraschino cherry syrup and saliva until they saw stars above their heads. They went down the sand towards the freezing green-grey water and tried to walk on it, for they had heard stories of walking on water and evolution. Their walking on water did not work, as the story of gravity was still being told.

Repelled by thick layers of suntan lotion, the water could not penetrate their rubbery skin. It was 2:37AM, which for the mistaken orange people was still night. A sunrise in Japan, edited out in the minds of North America. Somebody’s chewing gum was in another person’s mouth. It was all really confusing, where teeth ended and other teeth began.

Meat was cheap, soaked white things pink. They wore steak suits when indoors, rubbed Cheetos at lunch break between fingers until it was just powder. Hurt by the clock, they snapped off minute hands, hid them inside drawers. Anuses as trumpets supplying weightless notes into huge t-shirts, shit on carpet until it was finally Friday. Until it was to 2:37AM again.

Do not consider this a bath or voluntary swim, just a mistake—not the violent trajectories of their lives, but how cold the water was. The moon, night punctured, pulled the tides under which the ocean inhaled the land. This water was unwalkable, unspeakable, and with each crashing wave, the mistaken orange people became less and less orange.