FULL HOUSE (1987-1995) is an American television family sitcom series that aired on ABC.
02/28/11 | Television

Full House

by Feliz Lucia Molina

The first thing you hear is a saxophone and hums that go “Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah… Shoobie doo bop ba dow.” A white family starts to run down from a hill, laughing, but you can’t hear them laughing. A mother is missing. There are three older men and three little girls. One of them has got to be the dad. The two other guys will make sense later on. They’re having picnic on the grass. One of the guys is holding a baby. There’s a fancy car parked on a hilly street overlooking San Francisco. A man is leaning against the car with his arms folded across his chest. It is daylight. It’s real bright. Maybe he’s wearing sunglasses. I have no idea. Yellow text appears. It’s the actor’s name. John Stamos. He’s wearing jeans. He must be. He always wears jeans. He’s in a band too. He listens to a lot of Elvis Presley but you never hear it. He has a girlfriend. She gets more famous in the family later on. He calls her Becky short for Rebecca. At some point they have twins just like the twins who play the role of the youngest daughter Michelle. In real life twin actresses play Michelle. In real life their names are Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen. In real life I heard they’re billionaires. They even have their own perfume and fashion label. They’re the most successful of the entire cast and you never see them acting together in the show. The TV show never shows us they’re twin sisters in real life. That is kind of scary, come to think of it. The older sisters Stephanie Judith and DJ pretend to not know that their younger sister Michelle is actually being played by two people. The older sisters hid this fact from us, although not explicitly. Stephanie Judith Tanner is the middle one. This might explain why she’s so nosy. Even in the opening credits she seems nosy. I have no idea what she does in the opening credits, probably something nosy looking. She was riding a bicycle and then stopped to smile for us. She wasn’t really riding the bike but its logical to assume that she was since she’s standing there with it. Lets just say she was about to ride the bike or she just got off it. One will never know. Just like one will never know whom DJ was talking to on the phone while laying or sitting on her bed. She always has to defend herself, it seems. She always has to talk her way out of things because of lying to her dad most of the time. If she’s not lying to us, then at least one other character has a problem that needs to get resolved. Danny Tanner is her dad. He always knows best. He intuits when one or all of his daughters are up to no good. Danny Tanner is a newscaster and keeps the house real clean. He even vacuums the vacuum. His co-newscaster is Becky, short for Rebecca as Uncle Jesse calls her, or Aunt Becky as Michelle, Stephanie Judith, and DJ calls her. Becky, short for Rebecca or Aunt Becky eventually moves into the basement with Uncle Jesse and eventually they have twins like I mentioned earlier, although, those twins don’t hide it from us. They are twins that play twins. End of story. End of story about twins in general and how they’re kind of scary. And then there’s Uncle Joey who also lives in the house. We hardly ever get to see his room. He walks around the house a lot. Even when he’s not visible, he’s probably walking all over the place or eating. He is always in between opening the refrigerator or closing it. That’s probably not true. But it seems true anyhow. There he is, with his hand on the refrigerator handle, or there he is, in the backyard fixing the car maybe? It doesn’t matter what he’s doing exactly, but that his name appeared in white or yellow letters that read Something Gladstone, some grass or wooden cabinets, a dead pan and pause for the audience to continue clapping. Uncle Joey is a comedian in real life. In real life he’s got a stage name on top of his name on TV besides his actual name on his birth certificate and who knows what that is. That’s what the audience needs, proof of all the actors’ birth. Because who knows what is real or unreal and who knows whether birth certificates even matter to the characters on the TV show. The characters don’t ever think about these things. They’re busy acting, although, their birth certificates should matter to them. It should matter that they have proof of their births on the show and in real life because who were they before the TV show and who are they now after not having lived on air for quite some time.