MEN IN BLACK (1997)—and Men in Black II, or MIIB (2002)—are sci-fi films about a secret agency that policies and monitors alien activity on Earth, starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.
12/08/09 | Film

Men in Black

by Krammer Abrahams

Three men were standing on earth. It seems important to note they were on earth. We don’t usually think of there being much besides earth, but there is. There is a lot besides earth. All content unrelated to earth does not matter in this story though. All that matters are these three men standing on earth.

A quick aside that has nothing to do with the story, but popped in my head and I thought might make for good discussion someday: I wonder if there is an earth 2 somewhere. I bet there is. Sometimes I like sequels.

Two of the men were dressed in black. Another wore a spacesuit. Hellos were exchanged between the three men. I do not think any of them knew each other. I think the hellos went something like this.

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

The first hello was from the man in the spacesuit and sounded like it came from a talking computer. The second hello sound crotchety like it was from an older man who didn’t stand for anyone’s shit. The third hello was by far the coolest. Anyone who heard it would immediately wish they could say “hello” in a similar manner and might even practice saying it in this manner in the privacy of their own home while records blared and maybe even after it was decided it would be a good idea to get naked and practice in front of bathroom mirror.

Then again, maybe the one in the spacesuit said hello to the first man in black and then he turned and said hello to the second man in black. And probably each of these men in black replied by also saying hello. Then the two men in black turned to each other and said hello to one another. That would make five hellos. This seems just as plausible as the scenario where there were only three hellos.

With the greetings out of the way we should turn our attention to why these three men are worth talking about. The most interesting thing about them is that beyond the simple hellos they weren’t overly curious with one another. No one asked the one in the spacesuit why he was in the spacesuit and likewise he didn’t ask the two men why they were dressed in black. Hellos had been exchanged and that was basically it. They were tired of being curious in their fellow man. Instead, they were curious with their surroundings. They were curious with earth or what this little piece of earth offered. It offered great things.

There was a stream a couple hundred feet from them filled with old refrigerators. This immediately drew their attention. They walked the couple hundred feet and were then at the stream filled with old refrigerators. “This is interesting,” they thought. There were a lot of questions they each wanted to ask, but the refrigerators weren’t speaking so these questions went unanswered and the silence remained intact. After a while though it became apparent that the stream full of refrigerators wasn’t anything more than a stream full of refrigerators and so the three men left it.

They shuffled away. I shouldn’t be so broad with my descriptions. Truth beholds that only the man in the spacesuit shuffled. The two men in black strode, but one of them—the crotchety one—had bad knees so it was less striding and more lumbering. Anyway, the three of them in their various movements travelled. They traveled to a new spot on this earth. A spot where there was a tree that had light bulbs hanging from it by string. Each of the light bulbs were dead. Much like at the stream full of old refrigerators there were questions, but similar to the fridges these bulbs weren’t talking. The three of them moved on in less time than they had taken at the stream.

Next, the three men found themselves standing before a tall ladder set up in the middle of a field. From where the three men were standing it was unclear what was at the top of this ladder, if anything. They decided they should each take a look at what was up there before moving on. They decided to go in order of whose birthday came first in a regular calendar year, but surprisingly they all had the same birthday though born on different years. So, instead they played a game of rock, paper, scissors. The man in the spacesuit put down rock. The crotchety man in black put down paper. And the other man in black put down scissors.

Eventually, they would all get the chance to climb the ladder. Each had a similar view. They could see more of earth than they had been able to on the ground, but with such a view also came the thought that though they’d been told numerous times they could make a difference in this world they were really pretty helpless in the whole grand scheme of things.