HALLOWEEN (1978) tells the story of Michael Myers as he stalks and kills teenage babysitters on Halloween night.
05/12/11 | Film


by Ethan Ryan


Snickers. Twizzlers. Candy Corn. Gobstoppers. Goobers. Skittles. Milky Way. Payday. Kisses. Kisses. Kisses. Reese’s Pieces. Jelly Bellies. Bazooka Joe. Almond Joy. Mounds. Baby Ruth. Charleston Chews. Bit-O-Honey. Butterfingers. Twix. Crunch. Starburst. Sweethearts. SweeTarts. Fun Dip. Tootsie Pops. Chuckles. Nerds. Kit Kat. Sugar Daddy. Razzles. Gummi Bears. Junior Mints. Jujyfruits.


Monsters. Superheroes. Zombies. Humble mummies wrapped in toilet paper, slowly unraveling as they trick-or-treat. Vampires. Ghosts. Adorable dinosaurs looking both ways before crossing the street. Princesses. Witches. Robots. Demons. Teens too cool for costumes, drunk and stoned and horny. The Boogeyman. The Babysitter.


Evening. October. Midwestern suburbs. Dead leaves. Tee-peed trees. Egged houses. Jack-O-Lanterns dashed against curbs. Orange brains splattered over asphalt.


Forged. Stainless. Eight inches. Satin finish. Full tang. Ergonomic handle. Breakproof. Razor sharp. Dishwasher safe. Lifetime warranty.


Stalk. Hunt. Hide. Watch. Follow. Sneak. Stare. Strangle. Murder. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Cut. Slice. Hack. Poke. Chop. Slash. Slit. Thrust. Gouge. Rip. Dig. Tear. Bury.


Sticky candy. Burning leaves. Rotting pumpkins. Teenage pheromones. Cheap beer. Dank pot. Vanilla candles. Latex condoms. Pungent bloodlust. Impending doom.


Doorbell. Windows. Bricks. Pipes. Drywall. Closets. Grout. Tile. Sinks. Stairs. Furnace. Floorboards. Screws. Nails.


Entrails. Hair. Blood. Bone. Bile. Skin. Fat. Cartilage. Spleen. Ribs. Eyelids. Trachea. Vertebrae. Cornea. Cuticles. Knuckles. Knees. Nipples. Toes. Ass. Elbows. Brainstem. Tendons. Teeth.


Twix. I stalk Babysitter and her two friends as they walk home from school. Payday. The teens are so young and pretty. Mounds. I want to kill them all. Skittles.

One of the friends I strangle from the backseat of her car before slitting her throat. Snickers.

The other friend fucks her boyfriend in a neighbor’s house. Sweethearts. When the boyfriend comes down to the kitchen, I lift him off the floor and impale him to the wall. Jujyfruits. Then I costume myself with a bed sheet and head upstairs. Chuckles. The girlfriend thinks I’m her boyfriend, being silly. Nerds. I strangle her with a phone cord. Gobstoppers.

Babysitter is disturbed by the moaning, dead sexy phone call. Jelly Bellies. She comes to the neighbor’s house and discovers her friends’ dead bodies. Starburst.

I attack. Kit Kat. Babysitter falls down the stairs and escapes back to the kids. Fun Dip. I like it when women play hard to get. Goobers.

I break in. Crunch. Babysitter jabs a knitting needle in my neck. Bit-O-Honey. She tells the kids to hide, then locks herself in an upstairs closet. Gummi Bears. I tear down the door. Reese’s Pieces. Babysitter sticks a clothes hanger in my eye. Tootsie Pops. I drop the knife. Butterfingers. Babysitter stabs me in the chest. Twizzlers.

Psychiatrist sees the panicked children running from the house. Junior Mints. Still I rise, resurrected behind Babysitter. Baby Ruth. I begin choking her. Sugar Daddy. Psychiatrist fires his revolver, sending me crashing through a window. Bazooka Joe. Psychiatrist tells Babysitter that I’m the Boogeyman. Razzles. When he looks outside, I’m gone. Kisses.